The variously talented
“Kazooed” with trumpet lips,
For nurses walking down the hall
In timing with their hips (?)…
The tune seemed familiar
In a winsome way,
THE YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS
Said he when they went away!
THE YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS,
His favorite hooray!
–
–Jonathan Caswell
A parody poem!
SAVED BY A FRIEND
–
I drove up as usual
To work on the WI-FI,
Discovered that I’d lost the code
And wanted to cry…
His “IT” friend would not respond
To page or voice mail,
But Allen, another,
Put in the code details!
–
He found and typed it in,
Vowing to stay later,
But testing time was lengthened
By a MICROSOFT Update…
When the Update cleared
We tried the link and it worked perfectly,
I thanked my benefactor
For his help gratefully!
–
–Jonathan Caswell
HAREM SCARE ‘EM AND ME !
(To the tune of “THE YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS”…A SONG)
–
He thought he’d like a harem–
Oh, what a great idea–
Collecting beautiful women
For each day of the year…
Have one of every hair color:
Of red-heads, two or three,
Some that change with the season
Oh what a company!
–
But modern girls aren’t like the ones
That lived in olden time,
They’re much more educated,
Don’t easily resign…
Their lives and their futures
To a fat cat jailer-king,
To volunteer they’d like to hear
His cash disbursement ring.
–
Logistics would be maddening
Even if all were convinced,
Coming from all over
When he saw the bill he winced…
He began feeling outnumbered
Cooperation thin,
Instead of coming one-by-one
They all came after him!
–
He couldn’t pay their wages
So all up and left,
His fine plans for his evenings–
Not a single one was kept…
And then he got the bills for
The leaving of each one,
He decided then and there
Modern harems were no fun!
–
I thought of the same thing myself,
Like “THE HAREM OF BIRDS”
But only beautiful bloggers–
Women, in other words…
An exclusive club with just one man
My wife would veto fast,
My flesh already wants control—
The concept sounds a blast.
–
But thinking realistically
My cost is way too much,
I’ll lose those friends who cannot stand
A married man’s touch…
Long-distance relationships
Are harder to maintain,
I’d just as soon give up now
Before I feel the pain!
–
–Jonathan Caswell
DON;T SAY THEY’RE PRETTY!
(Parody lyrics for THE YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS)
–
When greeting client employees
The pressures are immense,
You say someone’s pretty
With the purest of intents…
The woman may take offence
Thinking that’s not okay,
You might just lose your job
For the little things you say.
–
Some folks don’t wait around
To tittle with the Guard,
They’d like to get going–
Stopping in their back yard…
Some may stop for seconds
For the kind, quick good bye,
But you’d be prudent not to tell
Why they have caught your eye!
–
Sometimes you mention fabric
Or the color looks grand,
And they may accept it
With a regal wave of hand,,,
Leave out delicious body parts
In their “No Mention Zone”‘s,
Just don’t go there but make it clear
Your not the Devil’s own!
–
A friend or two may accest
Compliments now and then,
Just don’t make iy a habit
That will bite you in the end…
Just quietly accept the fact
Of this fine gallery,
Then keep your wits about you
But do it pleasantly@!
–Jonathan Caswell
COULDN’T WAIT…TO PAY BILLS!*
–
He awakened extra early
To check the bank account,
He wanted to make sure he had
A certain amount….
Today was a big day
For clearing the decks
Of assorted obligations
And some financial wrecks.
–
Oh, his payday has come at last
Let’s join the jamboree,
With clearing off the tables and
From creditors be freed…
A relief to be sitting here
Paying all his bills.
We hope there’s enough left over
For a few nice thrills,
Yes we hope he’;ll have some money left
for a few cheap thrills!!!!
–Jonathan Caswell
*(Can be sung to: THE YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS)
LONG WEEKEND
(sung to “The Yellow Rose of Texas” )
It is a long weekend
For Office and the Post,
The ones who file out by my desk
Are loving that the most…
They often ask if I have
The same time off as they,
Being diplomatic
I often say nay:
And being diplomatic
I’ll smile as they run away!
–
The few that wonder why
I tell a little more,
There must be someone always here
To keep and mind the store…
I’ll get my time and a half
Of official duty pay,
And see them all back again
On the next working day:
To see them all back again
On that Tuesday!
–Jonathan Caswell
SNOW TOTALS
(To “The Yellow Rose of Texas”)
I’ve heard that fourteen inches
Is possible ’round here,
It’s not the snow that bothers me
But icy roads I fear…
Down in Douglas we had rain,
A drizzle so nice–
I’m just afraid when I go home
It all will turn to ice!
–
Oh, the sanders and the snowplows,
They are my greatest friends…
I know that they’ll be working
Until this storm ends…
I don’t begrudge them coffee breaks
Or taking time to eat,
If they work on until it’s done
They all deserve a treat!
–
It only took an hour
On slippery roads today,
To drive north to my job
Along the State Highway…
A couple plow phalanxes
I followed going slow,
Kept me safe and made the roads
Safe for all to go!
–
Oh…the sanders and the snowplows…
They are my greatest friends,
I know that they’ll be working
Until the need ends…
I don’t begrudge them coffee breaks
Or taking time to eat,
If they work on until it’s done
They all deserve a treat!
–Jonathan Caswell
By the Mighty Mumford 